Look, I was gonna go easy on this beer Not to hurt anybody's feelings But I'm only going to get this one chance Something's nice, I can feel it Just a beer I've got Like something's from Christmas But I don't know what If that means what I think it means Am gonna find out I'm excited, big time And if this is as weird as they say I'm not taking any chances It is what Santa brought me Am I beginnin' to feel like a beer mat, beer mat? All the people from the front to the back nod, back nod Now, who thinks my palate is vague enough To slap box, slap box? They said I rate like a robot, so call me Rate-bot But for me to analyze like Kasparov It must be something in my tastebuds I got a snifter in my right hand My brains go off when I half-cock it Got no fat knot from this posting Tasting beers and enjoying it Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office With Monica Lewinsky feelin' on his ***🤬 I'm a beer drinker still as honest But as excited and as unguided as all hell Syllables, word-a-holic (Use 'em all) This flippity dippity-hippity IPA-DIPA world You don't really wanna get a pissin' sippa, no! With this brewing brat, affordin' no Mac In the back of the Ac' Backpack malt crap, yap-yap, yackety-yack [What da hell does dat mean?] 😂 And at the exact same time I attempt these analytical acrobat stunts While I'm enjoyin' it I'd still be able to review this motherf***in' brew Over the next few hours and nail it down Only realized it was semiclear Gold, after the froth went Sparkling carbonation, yet short-time All I do is drop these lines See the wrath of foam As it's havin' a fast appearance At two fingers Dissolves quickly to a broken chain of bubbles While I'm desperately constructing this verbal juggle 'Cause I'm beginnin' to feel like a tap rat, tap rat All the people from the front to the back nod, back nod Now, who thinks my palate is weak enough To slap box, slap box? Let me show you tastin' this crap ain't that hard, that hard Everybody loves the clove and the cardamom To smell acidity like this one's got And lemon zest, a suggestion of pith, To be truthful, it also gives gin Simply barreled and aromatic experience Everybody loves to drink for enjoyment Hit the Pint like an asteroid Did nothing but hunt for the yeast strains (Cheers!) Connoisseurs get taken to pub with this beer 'Cause I use it as a vehicle to pick "floral" Now I say floral is elegant Why? It's a product of Thornbridge! So much for scent, now the taste Thank you, I gotta sip and again Inspired enough to list components Blow up and be in a position To taste Mother's Ruin, induct it into the Motherf***in' Beer and Brew Hall of Taste If at all I'll browse the flavors And let them burst on tastebuds Only Hall of Taste it'll be inducted in Is the brewery of fame In Bakewell, on the shore of Wye You lads think I'll never make it to taste 'Til I dive a flock of flavors Off a plank and, tell me what in the f*ck are you awaiting? Big fancy-lookin' bottle So fancy I can barely stare at it with a straight face (Ha-ha!) I'm witnessin' bags of sour lemon, grapefruit Like you're sippin' squeezed carambola, elderflower juice "Oh boy, there's lactic acid for sure!" — that's what I say You get a bit of yeast, pat on the back And a "way to go" from my taste, that's it Hey, beer friend! What you say, beer friend? I get a "hell yeah" from all beer friends! I'ma work for flavors I pick Never asked nobody for a pint Gin is there, gotta admit, even somewhat hefty Clove, too, but not the other spices left Basically, this is never gonna lose juniper needles And the slightly vinous sensation of gathering all the elements together, 'cause — I'm beginnin' to feel like a pub hack, pub hack All the people from the front to the back nod, back nod The way I'm racin' around the bar Call me NASCAR, NASCAR Michael Jackson of the brew park, the beerlovers' God Kneel before General Hops This planet's Krypton — no, Finnia, Finnia So you'll be drunk, I'll be sober You punk, I doublepunk It's light, then I'm rethinking Maybe light-medium as I reconsider it Immediately with these adjectives, I'm totin' And I should not be woken The end is a walkin' dead, but I'm just a talkin' head A yeastie tastin' But I got your mom more beer pourin' I get my lemon zest and citrus pith You thought I wouldn't find them, bi*ch? I'm a beerman, pinch yourself in the arm And pay homage, drinker It's me, my review's brutal But it's honestly futile if I don't Utilize what I do though For good at least once in a while So I wanna make sure somewhere in this Chicken scratch I scribble and google enough rhymes To maybe try to help get Pint Pleasers through tough times But I gotta keep a few punchlines Just in case, 'cause even if you not-like Brewers are anxious chasing me like it's brewtime I know there was a time where once I was kid in the beer ground But I still rate like I'm on my Bob Marley's high So I crunch reviews, but sometimes when you combine Length of beer review of mine It gets too long and Untappd is tryin' To censor me for too many lines See if I get away with it here That it ain't as genial as Marshall Bruce Mathers III, but we're still making history Feelin' immortal, seein' through the bottle Left stuck in a beer keg in 2021 though And I still haven't told you what the f*ck that finish is described as It's short-lived as Amy Winehouse with needles in her ams I write needles? F*ck needles! Juniper needles! Or rather like juniper twigs from a Finnish forest Just come and taste it, it's mythical, sacred and healing Banishes witches, protects from accidents snd bad beer and snake bites Just like when Ol' Man made an ancient brew and looked happy Hell, this is takin' ages, nothing's coming at supersonic speed Uh, summa-lumma, dooma-lumma, you assumin' I'm a human What I gotta do to get this through to all of you I'm a beerhuman? Thirsty and made of malt and hops Have no f***ing idea where this's leading to, lost track multiple times And it'll remain here forever Ain't devastating, rather more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherf***in' audience A feeling like it's levitating Mouthfeeling, light but not hibernating Acidic, modestly astringent and a bit vinous Medium-tart, puckering but not tedious The likers like and haters hate Still gives a sensation of effervescence Moderately sharp with a load of elegance But not exceptionally complex I find this elevating, not at all like devastating And not too mainstream Well, this is what happens when I try to dub A beer review into a song with million words I run out of words, adjectives, verbs, and all The lyrics here is just too long To fill everything with knacky and slick expressions I get confused "It's not a beer review, it's rubbish" — 'cause I found a hella way to dump it [I get exhausted and brainjammed. I have to cut off dozens of verses to get this once complete.] 😖 But f*ck it, this year gave you hard time? Soon it's history and a new year is to arrive! But if I can't finish this story How the f*ck am I supposed to go for it? Don't mistake me for a rhymer; it's an embarrassing mistake I think I need to finally stop it here and close the rhyme To seal the deal and kill the time I may be a retard — and not a king? Think not Why be a beer king when you can be a beer god? © Adapted from Eminem: "Rap God" (2013) 🎤🎧🎛️🎹🎚️ - - - - - - - - - - POST SCRIPTUM. Whoaaah! Why did I even start this? At times, Eminem's lyrics were just too much for me. And what the hell is "summa-lumma, dooma-lumma" supposed to mean?? Arrgh.

Samean oranssi olut, runsaalla valkealla vaahdolla. Kokonaisuus on hyvin ginin yrttinen, appelsiininen, sitruksinen, katajaa, hieman anista ja aavistus kardemummaa, mukavan happaman, humalaisen ja raikkaan rungon ympärillä. Olipa positiivinen yllätys. Yleen Thornbridgen oluet ei ole oikein iskeneet mulle, mutta tämä oli yksi mielenkiintoisimmista soureista, mitä oon vähään aikaan juonut. Toisaalta tämä on kyllä sen verran kallis pullokin, etten usko ostavani toiste, ainakaan Alkosta.